Every now and then I get into a literary mood and start narrating myself into the next great American novel, except that I never get farther than 2 or 3 paragraphs before I'm so distracted by my own habit of narrating that I descend into some sort of meta-meta-meta-meta analysis of my own brain and eventually stop because meta-meta-meta analysis is terribly depressing. Also, I write depressing stories because I hate happy endings, or I'm a sadist, or a masochist, or something. Anyway, when I'm at Hampshire and I fall into such a literary mood, and I'm able to be alone (which is essential for the Literary), I go and buy a vegan cookie and hole up somewhere to dramatize my life.
The first time I had a vegan cookie, I bought it as a snack before I got on a train because it was early and I was leaving Hampshire and I needed a snack. I was on my way to Thanksgiving and long train rides pretty much require you to be super-introspective plus I can write and not get sick (unlike in cars). So I wrote about my life and I nibbled on my vegan cookie and a firm association was made in my mind.
Another time, I was early for my Jew class and I bought a vegan cookie and sat in the airport lounge and started working on notes for my Roth-Comeau essay and I felt like I was capturing the picture-perfect college experience that I never live except for that half hour.
And tonight I watched Stranger Than Fiction and the girl in it is a baker and a radical and I really wanted her to bake vegan cookies because vegan cookies mean books and it's a movie about books and numbers and public transportation and if it had vegan cookies I would have known that it was My Movie but it didn't so I guess that's a disappointment.
I really really really want a vegan chocolate chip cookie.
P.S. I have a favorite story in the whole wide world and I am going to tell it to you now. By which I mean S Anski is going to tell you cause it's his story.
At the edge of the world stands a tall mountain, and on the mountain lies a great rock, and from the rock flows a clear spring. And at the other edge of the world, there is the heart of the world; for each thing in the world has a heart and the world as a whole has a great heart of its own. And the heart of the world gazes always at the clear spring and cannot have its fill of looking; and it longs and yearns and thirsts for the clear spring, but it cannot take ever the slightest step towards it. For as soon as the heart of the world stirs from its place, it loses sight of the mountain top with the clear spring; and if the heart of the world cannot see the clear spring even for a single instant, it loses its life. And at that very moment the world begins to die. And the clear spring has no time of its own, and it lives with the time that the heart of the world grants it. And the heart grants it only one day. And when the day wanes, the clear spring begins to sing to the heart of the world. And the heart of the world sings to the clear spring. And their singing spreads over the world and from it issue gleaming threads that reach to the hearts of all things in the world and from one heart to another. And there is a man of righteousness and grace who walks about over the world and gathers the gleaming threads from the hearts and out of them weaves time. And when he weaves an entire day, he gives it to the heart of the world, and the heart of the world gives it to the clear spring. And the spring lives yet another day.
Tuesday, May 29, 2007
Friday, May 11, 2007
My Other Pro-Tolerance Message Is Also Condescending
I'm working on my last final paper now, the piece de resistance, the crown jewel of my Div I, the paper that's been floating in the back of my mind for weeks and weeks and yet couldn't seem to get written until today, the day that it is due (at Letterman's monologue, by the way, so I've got plenty of time). And I slept with the window open because it was so warm, which meant that the sound of buses awoke me by 7:30. And now, 1 hour later, I have an opening paragraph written. The hard part. Once I get into the rhythm, establish a structure and a place to go, I'll crank out a page every 20 minutes. I plan on giving you updates throughout the day, because maybe you're really bored. Right now, I'm hungry, but I don't know if SAGA's open. I've never had a reason to eat this early. I'm trying to figure out what the Queer Canadian Diaspora is, if it exists. I'll let you know how that goes.
Shortly after 9 am, paragraph 2 is done. I keep writing about things that aren't what I took my notes on. This happens every time. It's raining.
9:20 am: Paragraph 3 down, halfway through the 3rd page. Rain has let up. Still hungry, I'm finally in a place where I feel comfortable in this paper. Buses are very noisy outside, but I need the window open.
9:55 am: I'm onto the 5th page now. As usual, I'm using too many block quotes (2 so far, one from each book), but I feel like the material speaks really well for itself. Besides, my professor hasn't read the main work I'm dealing with, so he needs some context. The block quotes aren't just for length. I'm going to put some sort of clothing on and go eat something so I don't die.
10:28 am: Blood sugar momentarily restored, concentration utterly lost. Fair trade?
11:07 am: Having finally forced myself to continue writing a few minutes ago, I have now completed page 5. The cloud-filtered sunlight makes everything look really really green outside. Or maybe it's because it's so wet. In any case, it's gorgeous.
11:28: 6 and a half pages. Katie is awake.
11:50: I'm to the eighth page. Word is momentarily freaking out. The essay is starting to get really explicit, because it's Philip Roth and Joey Comeau and neither one is the kind of person to use G-rated vocabulary. We're sliding toward NC-17 here, as a matter of fact.
12:08: Page 8 is finished, and I am well into threesome territory. How on earth did I get so lucky to be at a school where the culmination of my first year is comparing two books based on the fact that they climax (pun only sort of intended) with a triumvirate? I love my life.
12:35: Almost done with the 10th page, putting off lunch until I reach a stopping point. The things I am writing in this paper shock me. It's fun.
12:45: At the top of the 11th page, I'm sliding into my conclusion. I am so hungry. I want to stop, but I'll never finish if I do. Gaaaaaah.
12:59: The 11th page is full and I haven't finished this thing yet. I had planned on 8-10 pages. This is what block quotes do to you.
1:06: At 12.5 pages, I stop. The ending is trite and I don't care because I'm hungry and maybe someone will help me edit it so that it's better. I am going to eat.
Shortly after 9 am, paragraph 2 is done. I keep writing about things that aren't what I took my notes on. This happens every time. It's raining.
9:20 am: Paragraph 3 down, halfway through the 3rd page. Rain has let up. Still hungry, I'm finally in a place where I feel comfortable in this paper. Buses are very noisy outside, but I need the window open.
9:55 am: I'm onto the 5th page now. As usual, I'm using too many block quotes (2 so far, one from each book), but I feel like the material speaks really well for itself. Besides, my professor hasn't read the main work I'm dealing with, so he needs some context. The block quotes aren't just for length. I'm going to put some sort of clothing on and go eat something so I don't die.
10:28 am: Blood sugar momentarily restored, concentration utterly lost. Fair trade?
11:07 am: Having finally forced myself to continue writing a few minutes ago, I have now completed page 5. The cloud-filtered sunlight makes everything look really really green outside. Or maybe it's because it's so wet. In any case, it's gorgeous.
11:28: 6 and a half pages. Katie is awake.
11:50: I'm to the eighth page. Word is momentarily freaking out. The essay is starting to get really explicit, because it's Philip Roth and Joey Comeau and neither one is the kind of person to use G-rated vocabulary. We're sliding toward NC-17 here, as a matter of fact.
12:08: Page 8 is finished, and I am well into threesome territory. How on earth did I get so lucky to be at a school where the culmination of my first year is comparing two books based on the fact that they climax (pun only sort of intended) with a triumvirate? I love my life.
12:35: Almost done with the 10th page, putting off lunch until I reach a stopping point. The things I am writing in this paper shock me. It's fun.
12:45: At the top of the 11th page, I'm sliding into my conclusion. I am so hungry. I want to stop, but I'll never finish if I do. Gaaaaaah.
12:59: The 11th page is full and I haven't finished this thing yet. I had planned on 8-10 pages. This is what block quotes do to you.
1:06: At 12.5 pages, I stop. The ending is trite and I don't care because I'm hungry and maybe someone will help me edit it so that it's better. I am going to eat.
Monday, May 07, 2007
I Feel So Accomplished
What I have done today:
-put 2 Bookmooch books in the mail, and received 1 Bookmooch book
-picked up and filled out time cards for the entire semester (I have worked almost 100 hours, which means I have a very nice big check coming at long last)
-joined the Communist Party of the United States of America and paid my $12 for the first years' dues. Now the communist party card that I carry in my wallet is completely legit, and will soon be replaced by an official one from the real party. I am beyond proud of myself.
Also I lay under a tree for a while and I plan on getting laundry done. Maybe I'll even work on the paper I have due Wednesday, but I don't know.
I like finals week.
-put 2 Bookmooch books in the mail, and received 1 Bookmooch book
-picked up and filled out time cards for the entire semester (I have worked almost 100 hours, which means I have a very nice big check coming at long last)
-joined the Communist Party of the United States of America and paid my $12 for the first years' dues. Now the communist party card that I carry in my wallet is completely legit, and will soon be replaced by an official one from the real party. I am beyond proud of myself.
Also I lay under a tree for a while and I plan on getting laundry done. Maybe I'll even work on the paper I have due Wednesday, but I don't know.
I like finals week.
Sunday, May 06, 2007
A Strange Education
Sometimes I really really love my friends. Today represents some of the best as Saturdays go, and yesterday was definitely the cutest day I've ever known, so life is good.
Let's see... woke up early Friday morning to stare at the sunshine and eat breakfast for the first time in weeks, nay months, and then I went to my very very last theater design class. Where we cuddled on the couch, as has become our habit. Those of you who have known me for a while (I'm looking at you, TUMC) know that I am always a fan of 5 or 6 or more people on a couch, so having a class in a room with 2 couches and 11 people is one of the main reasons I love my school. Class ends at 11:50, and it was close to 1 by the time the last of us left the room, such was our cuddling. We ate some lunch and then me and Emma and Rachel went to sit under a dogwood tree and tell each other stories and enjoy the sunshine and warmth and flower petals. It feels so good to sit under a tree in the sun, especially after such a long winter.
I had my very very last probability class at 2:30, and we had pizza and giant cookies with special messages on them, and Kelly came back for the first time since he broke his hip, which made us all so happy. I adore the math department at this school- Ken and Kelly are such funny guys and so full of stories and so passionate and I want to talk about numbers with them forever. I wish I felt this way about the linguistics department. I mean, the linguistics profs are nice enough people, but I don't feel like I really connect with them, or particularly want to connect with them, and they certainly aren't offering any classes that I am remotely interested in. Forget the whining, though, this is about how life is amazing and I adore my friends. I colored pretty pictures in math class because Shannon and Brad were good at figuring out how to make 2 congruent figures out of a single non-symmetrical shape via 1 curve, or at least good at copying from other people, and so I could copy from them and then color the shapes all pretty. Brad had glitter glue in his mohawk, which is pretty much the best thing ever, except that it was this weird "cut out appropriation" day where there was some protest about how appropriating hairstyles like mohawks and dreads is racist, except I think there was also some event going on where you could get a free mohawk? I don't really understand it, nor am I sure how to think about it (I mean, on one hand, I don't want to be insensitive to other cultures, but, on the other hand, it's just a hairstyle)... Noah got himself one of the free 'hawks, and I haven't actually seen it spiked up yet, but I hear that it's pretty exciting. After math, there was some more relaxing and some dinner and Katie and I finally caught up on Ugly Betty (we were 4 weeks behind) and went to the last improv show of the semester (and 4 of the Sluts are leaving, which is so sad) and it was as hilarious as always, and then came more Ugly Betty and the Office and it was a nice night.
But today. Oh my goodness. We had a huge long list of things we wanted to do, and managed about half of them. Katie had to work til 1, and we don't start early anyway, so Sarah and I decided to meet up at Pirates of Penzance and work things out. So, first things first: Pirates of Penzance. Hampshire Musical Theater Collective, you make me a happy girl. Please never stop doing musicals because you are amazing. It was hilarious and wonderful and pirates are great and musicals are great and there are some talented people at this school. From Pirates, Sarah-Megen-Katie-Joanna-me walked back toward the Jew House (running into Emma on the way and promising her a hair dye party that did not happen tonight) and found Sarah's debit card (Katie found it) and Noah and Gideon appeared and we headed off to Amherst, where there was a random book sale going on, and the local comic book shop was not doing Free Comic Book Day (disappointing) and I found out that a "yaaaay" is worth 1/4 of a hug and Judie's had a really long wait so we went to the Amherst Brewing Company for dinner and they sat us immediately. I don't think our seating arrangement was socially optimal, but I guess it worked out okay. I had some pretty good Wurst, though I'm not sure I like ale-roasting or -frying or whatever they did. I like Wurst and Bier, but not necessarily Wurst that taste like Bier. But they were satisfying, and I think everyone had really delicious food, so we were quite happy as we headed off toward the mall for laser tag. It was the 7 of us (although Noah was magically replaced by Gideon's girlfriend) and these 4 random kids who clearly play a lot of laser tag, and it was mostly 2 random kids + 3 or 4 of us on a team, then we went girls v. boys in the final game- i.e. the 4 random kids and Gideon v. the rest of us. The boys beat us like 61 to 30 (the other games were like 40-20, 22-23, and 27-33 or something), but it was SO much fun and we decided that we should buy home laser tag sets and play on campus. So off to Target, where we quickly realized that laser tag sets cost like $30 for 2 guns and a vest, and so we abandoned the idea. Instead, we bought movie snacks and went to the theater to catch Spiderman 3. It was the most wonderfully emo action movie ever, and it made me very happy, although the people sitting behind us made me happier. They laughed at all the right things (like Peter Parker sobbing) and made amazing comments and I want to hang out with them every day. Unfortunately, we did not meet them, but I hope they liked us, too, because Joanna made some nice comments and we were laughing too and I want to be one of the cool kids. The movie lasted forever, as we realized when we got out and it was 12:50 (the movie started at 10:15), so we blasted Disney songs on the ride home and I am waiting for the sugar buzz of my candy to wear off so I can sleep.
Why does the semester have to be ending? Why do we all have to go away for summer?
Let's see... woke up early Friday morning to stare at the sunshine and eat breakfast for the first time in weeks, nay months, and then I went to my very very last theater design class. Where we cuddled on the couch, as has become our habit. Those of you who have known me for a while (I'm looking at you, TUMC) know that I am always a fan of 5 or 6 or more people on a couch, so having a class in a room with 2 couches and 11 people is one of the main reasons I love my school. Class ends at 11:50, and it was close to 1 by the time the last of us left the room, such was our cuddling. We ate some lunch and then me and Emma and Rachel went to sit under a dogwood tree and tell each other stories and enjoy the sunshine and warmth and flower petals. It feels so good to sit under a tree in the sun, especially after such a long winter.
I had my very very last probability class at 2:30, and we had pizza and giant cookies with special messages on them, and Kelly came back for the first time since he broke his hip, which made us all so happy. I adore the math department at this school- Ken and Kelly are such funny guys and so full of stories and so passionate and I want to talk about numbers with them forever. I wish I felt this way about the linguistics department. I mean, the linguistics profs are nice enough people, but I don't feel like I really connect with them, or particularly want to connect with them, and they certainly aren't offering any classes that I am remotely interested in. Forget the whining, though, this is about how life is amazing and I adore my friends. I colored pretty pictures in math class because Shannon and Brad were good at figuring out how to make 2 congruent figures out of a single non-symmetrical shape via 1 curve, or at least good at copying from other people, and so I could copy from them and then color the shapes all pretty. Brad had glitter glue in his mohawk, which is pretty much the best thing ever, except that it was this weird "cut out appropriation" day where there was some protest about how appropriating hairstyles like mohawks and dreads is racist, except I think there was also some event going on where you could get a free mohawk? I don't really understand it, nor am I sure how to think about it (I mean, on one hand, I don't want to be insensitive to other cultures, but, on the other hand, it's just a hairstyle)... Noah got himself one of the free 'hawks, and I haven't actually seen it spiked up yet, but I hear that it's pretty exciting. After math, there was some more relaxing and some dinner and Katie and I finally caught up on Ugly Betty (we were 4 weeks behind) and went to the last improv show of the semester (and 4 of the Sluts are leaving, which is so sad) and it was as hilarious as always, and then came more Ugly Betty and the Office and it was a nice night.
But today. Oh my goodness. We had a huge long list of things we wanted to do, and managed about half of them. Katie had to work til 1, and we don't start early anyway, so Sarah and I decided to meet up at Pirates of Penzance and work things out. So, first things first: Pirates of Penzance. Hampshire Musical Theater Collective, you make me a happy girl. Please never stop doing musicals because you are amazing. It was hilarious and wonderful and pirates are great and musicals are great and there are some talented people at this school. From Pirates, Sarah-Megen-Katie-Joanna-me walked back toward the Jew House (running into Emma on the way and promising her a hair dye party that did not happen tonight) and found Sarah's debit card (Katie found it) and Noah and Gideon appeared and we headed off to Amherst, where there was a random book sale going on, and the local comic book shop was not doing Free Comic Book Day (disappointing) and I found out that a "yaaaay" is worth 1/4 of a hug and Judie's had a really long wait so we went to the Amherst Brewing Company for dinner and they sat us immediately. I don't think our seating arrangement was socially optimal, but I guess it worked out okay. I had some pretty good Wurst, though I'm not sure I like ale-roasting or -frying or whatever they did. I like Wurst and Bier, but not necessarily Wurst that taste like Bier. But they were satisfying, and I think everyone had really delicious food, so we were quite happy as we headed off toward the mall for laser tag. It was the 7 of us (although Noah was magically replaced by Gideon's girlfriend) and these 4 random kids who clearly play a lot of laser tag, and it was mostly 2 random kids + 3 or 4 of us on a team, then we went girls v. boys in the final game- i.e. the 4 random kids and Gideon v. the rest of us. The boys beat us like 61 to 30 (the other games were like 40-20, 22-23, and 27-33 or something), but it was SO much fun and we decided that we should buy home laser tag sets and play on campus. So off to Target, where we quickly realized that laser tag sets cost like $30 for 2 guns and a vest, and so we abandoned the idea. Instead, we bought movie snacks and went to the theater to catch Spiderman 3. It was the most wonderfully emo action movie ever, and it made me very happy, although the people sitting behind us made me happier. They laughed at all the right things (like Peter Parker sobbing) and made amazing comments and I want to hang out with them every day. Unfortunately, we did not meet them, but I hope they liked us, too, because Joanna made some nice comments and we were laughing too and I want to be one of the cool kids. The movie lasted forever, as we realized when we got out and it was 12:50 (the movie started at 10:15), so we blasted Disney songs on the ride home and I am waiting for the sugar buzz of my candy to wear off so I can sleep.
Why does the semester have to be ending? Why do we all have to go away for summer?
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
Posts
