Where Do We Go Now?

I never did tell you about Canada, did I? Canada is the most crazy mixed-up land ever, except for Vermont. Here's how it went down:
We got off to a great start, with me and Debi and Jessica and Sonia in the small van. Yes, 4 people in an 11-seater. It makes perfect sense, I swear.
A few hours down the road, the phone rings. It is Rachel, informing us that Jonah's car has died in some town called Sharon. As it happens, we are right in front of the exit for Sharon, and we go to save them.
And go to save them. And go. And drive up and down route 11 or whatever godforsaken road we were on for 1 hour. We stopped to ask directions twice, and called Jonah/Rachel/etc at least 4 times. We drove past Dixie's Country Kitchen more than once. For the first 45 minutes, we thought we were seeking Seltz Auto Repair because Sonia is awesome at phones. When I finally got on the phone, I discovered that it was Phelp's, and suddenly life became easier when a no-nonsense lady at a general store gave us the kind of directions I like ("go past the big pile of dirt and there will be a Mobil station on your left and keep going straight and when you see the iron bridge slow down because you're almost there") except there was a detour but Jonah gave us directions we could follow, and we took the National Yiddish Van down a dirt road, certainly the first time it had done such a thing. We passed Rokhl and Mikhl when we were nearly there, and it turned out that they had given up and were going for a swim. We drove on and collected Jonah and Jay, and proceeded to all go jump in the river with our clothes on. Well, Debi and Jonah and I jumped in, and Sonia and Jessica kinda waded, and Jay stood on the shore and told us we were meshugge. Which we were. Once we were all nicely soaked, we got out and Jonah got yelled at by some country lady who told him to go back where he came from and we got back in the van, somewhat more crowded than we had been, and drove to Canada. The border guy made us get out and prove that there was no funny business going on because crazy Canadian Mikhl insisted on being a Canadian citizen with a Canadian passport among a group of Americans and they were very confused as to why he was going to Canada. And then I noticed that Canada is a crazy place where they paint their farm stuff green instead of red, and I drew Don Quixote on Jonah's t-shirt, and we stopped at a tiny cafe for a bathroom break and felt so foreign, and then we finally got to Montreal and got lost and Mikhl and Jay argued but we made it to the hostel at the same time as the other van, so we rock. And we discovered that the boys' half of the hostel had bedbugs. So they were all wimpy and moved to a hostel around the corner, where they would meet the most interesting characters, but that's for later. We settled in and wandered for a few minutes, then it was dinnertime! Our chosen restaurant had a strict no-reservations policy, but there were 25 of us and apparently that meant we had an "agreement." So Sonia and Hector and I wandered over a bit early to see about said agreement. And talked to about 4 people before someone remembered something about maybe someone called, and then they agreed that they could seat us inside. So Sonia and I waited around a while and then everyone else began arriving, and we got seated. And this restaurant turned out to be amazing and the Book Center was paying for everything, so we went all out. It was all delicious and we met Naomi's lovely family and had a great time hanging out and having a very very long dinner. Afterwards, we figured we should hit up some local bar. But Naomi's sons were like "wait we know something better" and took 13 or so of us off on a long and winding trek across Montreal. We walked for like 45 minutes, losing half of the group or more along the way. It started raining, torrentially, 3 blocks before our destination. The rain made the boys determine that we would not go all the way to their intended destination, and they took us to a different bar. Dripping, we stumbled in to look at a crowd of late-20s/early-30s and up men around a bar decorated with outer space holograms. So, you know, classy. We were glad just to be dry and huddled in the corner around our drinks, attempting to salvage the night. We were smart enough to take cabs home, and I collapsed into my warm dry bed. The other hostel was not so lucky. The only bathroom was occupied by a woman taking a shower. At 1 in the morning. And she proceeded to shower for the next hour or so. In spite of them knocking on the door and asking her to hurry. Apparently, when she finally exited the shower, she made some comment about how she didn't expect anyone to want the bathroom at 1:30 am. Klaus reports that he saw her get up and take a 15 minute shower at 7 the next morning.
Our next morning, we had an appointment at the local Yiddish elementary school. So we deemed that we would meet 45 minutes before we should be there, since it is a 20 minute drive. So of course we left about 10 minutes before the appointed time. I am not learning Jewish time well- a year in Germany and a mother who thinks half an hour early is on time have gotten me pretty unable to be late to things. No one seemed to mind, and we toured the quadrilingual (English, French, Hebrew, and Yiddish) school and were all immensely jealous and began figuring out how to marry Anglophone Montrealers in order to send our children to said school. We then hopped back in our vans and went off to look at a synagogue and meet a somewhat racist gabbai and then we went to a delicious deli for piles and piles of smoked meat. Smoked meat is absolutely delicious and don't let anyone tell you otherwise. I would live off smoked meat if I could. Sonia and I went off and wandered a bit in the immense free time that followed, and Sonia was sad that none of the shopkeepers would speak French with her, so I spoke German with her, and we coveted some pretty dresses and bought some great ice cream and met back up with the group. Back in the vans, we had a driving tour of Jewish Montreal (driving tours are for yes) and went to get some (very good) Montreal bagels. And went to a very swanky condo complex to pick up 16 boxes of books from a Zamler, and then it was back to the hostels, where we wandered a bit to find some food, and then all hopped on the Metro to go to a Yiddish play. It was a very exciting revue of many classic Yiddish theater songs, and we recognized many of them (of course, we were previously schooled), and we were the youngest people there by far, but the whole audience was so energetic and into it that it was an amazing experience. We came out so excited and energetic. Some people broke off to go to some jazz stuff, but a group of us decided we were hungry, and made our way towards some sort of food (after much wandering)- it was once again absolutely delicious. We gave the poor waiter a giant pile of small bills and change, for which I still feel bad, but I did at least get rid of all the excess Canadian money I was in possession of. Friday morning led us to a delicious brunch at Nomi's, and a random theater workshop. It was fun to do all these physical theater exercises, though, and a nice way to spend an afternoon before having to face another 6-hour drive. Hector was driving the big van back, and me, Debi, Sonia, Jessica, Jason, and Klaus were his passengers. We got kinda lost on the way to the border but got directions at a gas station, got through the border with no problems (Hector said he'd never brought books over that fast), and had a very scenic route through upstate New York to get back to Vermont. Once in Vermont, we tried valiantly to find food, failed for exit after exit (rural Vermont is seriously rural), and finally found a really cute little town where we got really good food at a cute little restaurant and, thus fortified, made it back to Massachusetts without incident. It was late when we got in, and sleeping felt amazing, and we had a nice relaxing weekend that ended with me getting deathly ill. I'm slightly less on my deathbed now, and the sickness is continuing to spread (I was not the first to have it and I shall not be the last), and life is proceeding nicely. Klaus got engaged, and we are having a shindig at his and Debi's houses tonight (they are neighbors so it makes sense). I was very productive at work, so the sweat and grime that cover me feel really nice. Life is good.

I forgot to tell you about Celto, but Celto is a story unto himself, and is best expressed via Paul's impression of him. Paul will be playing Celto in the intern show. There will be video.